


i'm here for you (but you still feel numb)

by svalswords



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Lesbophobia, Set before the musical, i didn't use the d slur because i cannot seriously guys it's not that hard, mainly angst really, when janis was still part of the plastics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 16:32:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18502768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svalswords/pseuds/svalswords
Summary: "gretchen, are you there?" the blonde repeats, now a little bit concerned about the other girl.finally, she manages to make out six words amidst the flurry of sobs."karen. you need to see something."(or: before mean girls, from the perspective of a blonde who isn't as dumb as regina says she is.)





	i'm here for you (but you still feel numb)

**Author's Note:**

> tw:  
> \- discussion of sending underage nudes (it isn't stated, but it's what the story deals with)  
> \- q slur  
> \- slight description at the end of severely bitted nails / slight description of hand infection
> 
> hi i love mean girls and i also love coping so have this that i wrote six months ago

karen's sitting alone in her room, bed piled high with shopping bags and shoe boxes, when her phone rings.

 

to be even more specific, she's sat in front of the mirror on her dresser, lining up various lip gloss bottles along the surface and trying each one on, making sure to snap a photo to send to regina. she's only known the taller girl for a few weeks - just since she'd moved down to chicago - but gretchen has warned her about doing anything to get on regina's bad side, and that was the last thing she'd want to do. let's be real: regina george was vicious, and karen might not be the brightest girl in her year, but she knows what a huntress looked like.

 

continuing to apply the glittery pink paste, karen clicks the "accept call" button on her brand new iphone and puts the call on speaker. "hi, who is it?" she questions distantly, still intently focusing on the mirror in front of her.

 

but there's no answer. karen glances over at the caller id briefly; gretchen's calling her. well, that's kind of weird. she'd just seen gretchen half an hour ago, when the four of them - regina, janis, gretchen and her - had been on an "emergency trip to the mall", because janis has an art show in milwaukee on saturday and regina  _refused_  to let her best friend go without at least two new outfits.

 

(she'd noticed how gretchen's jaw had tightened uncomfortably at this, and how the brunette had instantly turned to her and asked how she was finding chicago.)

 

"gretchen?" karen asks hesitantly. what if it was a prank? regina had been nice to her so far, but maybe this is when she'll try to assert her dominance. there's a sound from the other end of the line, and then silence for a prolonged moment. and then another sound - a sniff, maybe? - and then more silence. "gretchen, are you there?" the blonde repeats, now a little bit concerned about the other girl.

 

finally, she manages to make out six words amidst the flurry of sobs.

 

"karen. you need to see something."

  


•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

 

karen's dad drives her home from gretchen's house that evening. the car is absolutely silent, which karen finds kind of surprising, because her dad never has the radio off. the roads were dark and empty, and the only sounds were the roar of the engine, the screeching of tires on tarmac and the clicking of the car indicator.

 

(karen counts eight turns on the way back to their house. has it always been eight turns? she'd never really paid attention to the road this much before, but right now she'll take any excuse to distract herself from the conversation her dad had been having with gretchen's mom.)

 

"karen," her dad begins every so often. she can see him out of the corner of her eye, taking a breath in as he tries to think of the right thing to say to her. but every time, he evidently gives up on finding something, because he just exhales forcefully, and the car keeps driving.

 

eventually, she feels the car shudder, and the click of the key turning in the ignition breaks through their internal reasoning on their route through the streets. her dad opens his door to get out, but she just sits there for a second. the moon hasn't come up yet (or maybe it has, and it's hidden behind the clouds), so the only light is coming from the porch lamp of their elderly neighbor. it's oddly quaint in the dark, and karen wonders why regina  _has_ to live in a pastel wonderland 24-7.

 

her dad calls her name as he pushes open their front door, and she follows him inside.

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

 

her dad tries once more to talk with her over a very late dinner. gretchen's mom had offered to make something, but karen's dad had declined, and karen didn't really feel like she could eat anything.

 

(that hasn't really changed.)

 

"are you okay, karen?" he asks her, as she pushes the pasta around the plate with one hand, gripping the fork so tightly she's worried it will snap in two. "you haven't said a word since we left the wieners'."

 

she almost shrugs. almost. regina had told janis off for it earlier that day, telling her doing it instead of answering someone was "standoffish" and "queer". she didn't want regina to call her that, so she just about restrains herself and looks up at her dad.

 

"what are they going to do?" she asks, the words scratching her horrendously dry throat. she reaches for her glass of water with shaking fingers, but it slips right through her grasp, and she knows better than to try again. "are they going to take the pictures down?"

 

karen's dad pauses, pursing his lips and looking away from his daughter in a second. and karen already knows what he's going to say, but she lets herself hear the sentence she already knows is coming.

 

"i don't think they can."

 

she looks back down at her pasta in pain. of course not.

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

karen falls asleep at 8:15 that evening, and wakes up at 9:30 in the morning to six missed calls from gretchen and four voicemails. she lets them play as she sits up and numbly tries to brush her hair, as per regina's orders.

 

"karen, it's gretch. call me, okay?"

 

"karen, it's me again. you need to call me, alright? i mean, you don't need to. but. ...just please, call me back?"

 

the next message is a little more difficult to understand; the background noise interferes with the ringing in karen's ears, and she has to hold her phone right up to her ear to let her brain make out her best friend's words.

 

"karen, it's gretchen. look, if you don't want to talk to anyone, that's okay, but i'm worried about you. is it okay if i come by tomorrow morning? let me know."

 

the fourth message is indecipherable. karen doesn't know if it's because of her, or because of the actual message, but she can't understand a word of it. all she can hear is sniffing, and gretchen trying to say her name but being stopped mid-word every time.

 

karen wonders if maybe she should be as upset as gretchen is about this.

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

gretchen shows up at 10, when karen's only just out of bed. her dad opens the door, and gretchen runs right up the stairs and straight to karen's room. she stands in the doorway, a little hesitantly. her eyes are red and puffy, as if she's been crying, and her hair hangs in a frazzled clump around her shoulders.

 

the brunette opens her mouth to speak, but no sound comes out. she lets out a few words that become choked up her tears, before eventually managing to tell karen that "janis and regina had already left for the art show. i didn't want to be the one to tell them."

 

karen doesn't know what to say. she tries to respond, but she's equally forced into silence, and for the first time since the phone call, she suddenly finds herself in tears.

 

gretchen walks up to her and gingerly wraps her arms around karen, who falls onto the bed and cries her eyes out until she can't open them any more out of soreness.

 

(the taller girl stays with her the whole time, and karen has never been more thankful for anybody in her whole life.)

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

the next day is monday. karen's dad tells her she doesn't need to go into school, she doesn't need to risk the chance of seeing the boy that did this to her again, but she tells him it's something she needs to brave. after all, she can't stay at home hiding forever.

 

regina catches gretchen and karen before first period, as the two of them are standing outside the german classroom.

 

"i think janis is a lesbian," she says slowly. "i don't know. not for sure. but i want you two to let me know if you see anything, okay? don't tell her i said anything to you."

 

and then she struts off, down the corridor in her pink suede heels and red tube top that is completely impractical for winter.

 

the bell rings, and the rest of their class enters the classroom. frau wilde ushers two of them into the room, and gretchen gives karen a pointed look before entering.

 

karen knows what that means: do not, under  _any_ circumstances, tell regina george about what happened.

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

karen passes out at lunch.

 

janis is gushing to them all about her art show, and the prize that she won for her painting of gretchen's cat, and then karen looks out through the windows at the back of the cafeteria and she sees  _him_ walking past with his friends, and they're all laughing about something, and then he looks through the window and makes eye contact with her and suddenly she can't breathe an _d why's the cafeteria going fuzzy and why's regina looking at me like that and where's gretch and--_

 

karen comes to in the infirmary, where gretch is kneeling down next to her with a damp cloth in her hand.

 

"you passed out," she explains, holding the rag against the blonde's forehead gently. "regina doesn't know, don't worry. she dragged janis off to fix her eyeliner in the bathrooms. is there anything else i can do?"

 

karen shakes her head, and gretch just exhales softly, dropping the cloth and reaching out to hold karen's hand. "i'm here for you," the taller girl promises.

 

gretch's damp, tepid hand is surprisingly reassuring, and karen knows she's telling the truth. but she still feels numb.

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

it's regina's birthday, and it's the worst day of karen's life.

 

first of all, janis isn't there. regina tells them that janis "totally tried to make out with me", and that she's "a total queer who shouldn't be allowed anywhere with other girls ever again".

 

(karen knows full well that obviously isn't what happened. she just hopes janis had finally seen through regina's bullshit and stood up to her.)

 

secondly, gretchen told regina what had happened.

 

karen knows she didn't mean to. she  _couldn't_ have meant to. but they were having strawberry jell-o with regina's birthday cake in her outdoor pool (again, totally impractical for december), and then regina turned to karen and said, "so, any chance of me getting any of those photos for my birthday?".

 

she'd started crying. gretchen had taken her inside, and told regina that "those kinds of jokes are  _not_ funny, and i can't  _believe_ you would say that to her, regina, it's just uncalled for".

 

and before gretchen had pulled the glass sliding door closed, karen had heard regina say, "if it's not funny, why did you tell me in the first place?".

 

(regina's mom ends up having to drive karen home. regina blames karen for ruining her birthday for the rest of the week, but then takes her shopping to apologise.)

 

(she doesn't invite gretchen. karen doesn't complain.)

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

 

karen has 17 missed calls and 52 unanswered text messages from gretchen.

 

she knows she should answer them, really. gretchen's her oldest, bestest friend. but when she thinks about how gretchen told regina what had happened, her skin goes cold and her hand starts to shake and she becomes uncomfortably aware of the way her fingernails have been bitten down so much that she can't apply false nails without risk of infection from the glue.

 

gretchen turns up at her front door every morning over winter break.

 

karen tells her dad to ignore her.

 

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

janis doesn't come back to school in january.

 

regina never mentions her again.

 

karen messages janis on facebook. janis doesn't reply.

 

gretchen doesn't sit with them any more.

 

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

 

it's 2 in the morning when gretchen knocks on her bedroom window.

 

karen pulls open the curtains to see her through the rain-spotted glass. she wants to ignore her, wants to go back to bed, but gretchen's very obviously seen her and she's sick and tired of pretending to regina that she doesn't miss her best friend.

 

she unlocks the window with quivering fingers and pushes it open. gretchen leaps into her room, her mud-ridden socks silent on the wood-patterned lino flooring.

 

neither of the girls know what to say. karen stares at gretchen. gretchen looks pointedly at the floor.

 

finally, gretchen speaks. "i didn't mean to tell her," she says. "i know you don't believe me, but it's true. she'd been on the phone to me since 11pm the night before, and she kept asking why you'd fainted that day in the cafeteria and i was so tired and i'd been worried sick about you and i know i shouldn't have said anything but--"

 

"it's okay," karen interrupts. gretchen falls silent for a second.

 

"no," gretchen says. "no, it's not okay."

 

karen waits a few moments, until she can look gretchen in the eyes again. "you're right," she settles on. "it's not okay. but it wasn't your fault."

 

there's another pause, until she adds, "thank you for coming to see me."

 

gretch smiles uncertainly. "i missed my best friend."

 

karen grins. "i missed you, too."

 

and for the first time in far too long, karen smith feels whole.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at @fetchen-wieners !!


End file.
